Coping With Cuffing Season

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By Nathan Shurts (he/him), 17, Staff Writer

February 9, 2024

With Valentine’s Day approaching fast and the winter dragging on, we’re smack in the middle of “cuffing season.” You might be wondering, what is cuffing season? Why does it seem like everyone is coupling up? How am I supposed to be single during all of this?

By reading on, I hope you get some answers to these questions!

Cuffing Season Explained

Cuffing season is a slang term that surfaced online several years ago and quickly caught on. As you may have guessed, it comes from the idea of being “handcuffed” to someone, in this case a romantic partner. The idea is that during times like the colder winter months, the holiday season and Valentine’s Day, people are more likely to want to couple up.

Unfortunately, this can create pressure to get together according to a deadline rather than letting it happen naturally, sometimes leading to couples that aren’t a good fit. “I’ve experienced the pressure of getting with someone just because it feels like everyone around you is in love and you’re not,” says Megan (they/them), 15, of Kinnelon, NJ. “It’s a very lonely experience because you’re not with a person because you love them, you just feel like you’ll be happier in a relationship like everyone else.”

The concept of cuffing season can add confusion when the idea of dating may already feel stressful. “It’s hard enough being an average teen without feeling the pressure to get into a relationship, which, if you’re being completely honest, you might not be ready for,” adds Megan.

The Sting of the Season

When you’re single, it can feel like there’s an expectation to find someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with. “Sometimes if I get my expectations up that someone will give me something, I get kinda sad when no one does,” says Lyla (she/her), 15, of Warren, NJ, about Valentine’s Day. “Other people around me during cuffing season don’t really get to me, but my own thoughts and expectations throughout the year do.”

Some teens may not feel ready for dating, may not be into dating or may not have had the right opportunity. Any of these are totally OK. But seeing others get together can cause pressure. “It’s a little tough to see all your friends getting into relationships while you’re single and have never been in one,” says Jay (he/him), 17, of Columbus, IN. “You feel like a third wheel a lot. There have been times when I wish I could find someone, but I don’t want to rush into something I’m not ready for with the wrong person just because everyone else is in a relationship.”

If you decide to get together with someone you don’t really want to be with, you might be in for disappointment and hurt feelings later. “I’d rather find a good partner than finding a partner just for the sake of it,” says Jenny (she/her), 17, of Bethesda, MD. Rather than looking for a fling to avoid being single for the season, it may be better to look at the holiday season and Valentine’s Day in particular in a different light.

Palentine’s, Galentine’s and Valentine’s

Valentine’s Day doesn’t just have to be about romantic relationships. It can be a day of celebration and showing appreciation to anyone in your life that you care about, be it a friend, colleague or family member.

One major example is “Galentine’s Day,” which, via TV show Parks and Recreation, became a well-known tradition of women getting together. For instance, Jenny says her Valentine’s Day traditions involve “celebrating with friends and doing a Galentine’s. I’m not currently single but we still do this every year.”

So this year, don’t let “cuffing season” get you down. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about falling in love, or chasing the perfect night. It can be about showing a little extra love and appreciation to the important people in your life.

I’ll close with some wise words from Jay, first quoted above. “I’m not really bothered by being single on Valentine’s Day,” he says. “I know that one day I’ll find someone and even if I don’t, I always have my friends.”

Have a Heart…for Yourself!

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Valentine’s Day marks the day when couples often exchange chocolates and flowers, go out to nice restaurants and appreciate some quality time with each other. But what if you’re not in a relationship? It may seem expensive, corny or straight-up unnecessary, but I like to think of Valentine’s Day as a great opportunity to show ourselves some compassion, regardless of relationship status.

We often get stuck—whether in busy schedules or in self-criticism—and forget to take time to reflect on and be proud of who we are and what we’ve accomplished. You may not be at a point where you’re always content with yourself, but you still deserve love.

You deserve love if you just failed a test. You deserve love if you were just broken up with. You deserve love if you don’t meet society’s impossible standards. You deserve love, period!

Showing yourself compassion may be difficult at first, but it’s been proven to be good for you. It helps lead to more confidence and joy and less self-doubt and anxiety.

Here’s how you can take some time to be your own Valentine and appreciate your own company this February 14th!

Give Yourself a Valentine

It may seem weird, but write yourself a card, including some things you like about yourself. You are the most important person in your life, so write yourself that letter!

Bonus points for cheesy puns. Animal lover? Q: What do porcupines say when they kiss? A: Ouch! Avocado lover? You guac my world.

You get the idea…

Treat Yourself

Forget receiving flowers and candy from someone else. Whether getting a box of chocolates, going to the movies or taking yourself to a yummy dinner, it’s always fun to treat yourself. Even better, you can get the festive treats at a discount the next day!

Do What You Love

Valentine’s Day is all about love, so why not do something you love? It can be anything, big or small—whether that be painting, exercising or watching a favorite TV show. I love spending time in nature, so you bet I’m going on a long walk with my dog!

Spend Time with Loved Ones

Even if you’re not in a relationship, you can always spend quality time with your family and friends on Valentine’s Day. I enjoy having a Galentine’s Day with my friends, baking desserts and exchanging cute valentines to celebrate our friendship.

 

Remember, Valentine’s Day is supposed to be fun. No pressure to do anything extravagant, just show up for yourself and enjoy being your own best friend!

The post Have a Heart…for Yourself! appeared first on Sex, Etc..

What Is Sex Ed for All Month?

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By Candace Pinto (she/her), 16, Staff Writer

May 14, 2024

Besides “May flowers,” May also brings #SexEdForAllMonth! Since 2019, Sex Ed for All Month has brought awareness to the importance of quality comprehensive sex education. A group called the Sex Education Collaborative (SEC)—“made up of 26 national, regional, and state-based organizations with extensive experience training educators to deliver school-based sex education,” according to their website—named May as Sex Ed For All Month.

The goal is to have a world where all young people—no matter who we are or where we live—get the sex education we deserve!

Accurate, Non-Shaming and Inclusive

So, what would this look like? Well, we deserve sex ed that is medically accurate, non-shaming and inclusive of all—whether that be race, gender identity, sexual orientation, ability or any other part of our identities. We deserve to have our questions answered without being judged. We deserve to know not just about anatomy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) but also about safer sex and the importance of consent and communication in relationships.

Having this type of information is incredibly important for young people. It allows us to make safe decisions about relationships and sex by learning not just about any “risks” but also how to be healthy, compassionate and respectful of others. Sadly, there are too many schools in the U.S. that deprive teens of this right, providing a limited education, if any sex ed at all. In fact, “only 29 states and D.C. mandate sex education in schools, and where sex ed is taught, 13 states don’t require the content to be evidence-informed, medically accurate or age-appropriate,” according to the SEC.

Why Is This Important for Teens?

Did you know that research has shown that sex education helps students? Having the facts leads to fewer unintended pregnancies and STIs. It encourages better communication skills and healthier relationships. It provides information that teens may be curious about so they don’t have to go searching for it in places that may give inaccurate, harmful information. It helps LGBTQ+ teens feel seen and understood and all teens to develop empathy for those who may be different than them.

At a time when reproductive rights and sex ed are under attack, having comprehensive sex education is incredibly important. Even though the overwhelming majority of adults in the U.S. believe in the importance of sex ed, there is a minority who are trying to prevent young people from having this valuable information.

But everyone deserves the right to a quality sex education and the ability to safely make decisions regarding sex, relationships and/or their identity.

How Can You Help?

There are many ways teens can help!

For starters, you can build awareness and support the right to sex ed by finding out who makes decisions about sex ed at your school and speaking with them, with respect and curiosity. You can discover how decisions are made about what does and doesn’t get taught as a part of your district’s sex ed.

You could gather friends and peers and ask them what they would like to see as part of their sex ed. You can plan different ways to advocate for more comprehensive sex ed, such as attending and speaking at school board meetings.

Don’t forget there are so many resources out there, including Sex, Etc., to help you along the way!

By bringing awareness to this issue, we hope that it will help remove stigma, spread the word about the importance of comprehensive, inclusive sex ed and allow a judgment- and shame-free zone for every teen to freely ask questions about sex and sexual health.